How atheism saved my life

Religion has been a focal point my entire life.

I was raised in a strict baptist home. My father was a decon in the church and he preached at times. His oldest son was a baptist preacher as well.

We were taught the usual mumbo jumbo that goes around in a religious household.

It was early on in which I saw the discrepancies and fallacies of such teachings. We were taught that god loves you unconditionally, that is of course you never pissed him off by not living up to what he wanted.

If you committed any of a number of sins this god was going to throw you into a lake of fire to burn forever. What was considered sins varied widely depending on who you listened to.

Religion is built on lies embraced as truth.

I remember one time when I was a little girl I discovered my parents had lied to me. Up to this point each christmas we were told about a man named Santa Claus that would bring us presents if we were good. A harmless white lie right?

I know this seems silly but please hear me out.

I still remember the day I found out that Santa was not real. Most kids just shrug it off I guess but I still remember going to my room hurt and confused. How could they have lied to me?!?! What else have they lied to me about?!?!

I don't know maybe I was a weird little kid but I never trusted my parents again.

Another lie we were taught was how this god cared about us and all we had to do was pray to him and he would help us in any situation.

This I later learned was also a lie. Many nights when things were going wrong and I was being hurt over and over, I would pray. Nothing happened. This magical god turned a deaf ear.

The more I learned the more angry and bitter I became. I made them pay for years for lying to me.

After I became an adult and no longer lived at home I still struggled, with religion, with life.

After a few years I caved in with years of guilt, pain, anger and went back to religion because without it I was doomed for hell.

I went in and out. Never able to measure up. I knew in my heart I would never be good enough for this god to claim me as his own.

Religion teaches you have freewill but apparently it is against some unwritten rule to use it.

Religion teaches you are made in this god's own image, you just can't be yourself.

I could go on and on but I am sure you get the picture.

For years I tried to do what religion said was right, always ending up depressed and wanting to end my life.

Religion taught me to hate. Myself, my family. Religion taught me to be bigoted and judgemental. I scoffed at those "beneath" me.

Religion taught me to force my beliefs upon others, my family, my children, anyone I could corner.

There is so much more I would like to share but suffice it to say religion no longer torments my soul.

When I walked away from religion and the lies I found out I also walked away from hate, away from depression, away from condemnation.

I no longer live in fear of some god and hell. I no longer hate others that have differing beliefs. I no longer fight depression.

Today my life is what I make it. Today I can truly say I know how to love unconditionally.

I challenge you to look at your life and see what lies you hold to as truth.

The first person I must quit lying to is.......

                                    ...........myself

Just be honest & say you don't give a damn!

You say you care about people who are hungry yet you never share with them something to eat.

You say you care that they have nothing to wear yet you never give anything they could wear.

I am so sick and tired of hearing xians & church groups claim they care!

They only help if they think there is a possibility they can convert them.

Pentecostals today are all getting fatter & and fatter. They know every restaurant/waitress in town yet can't feed a person that has nothing.

I am so sick of the apostolic liers. "Oh we want to help those in need" "if we knew how to help we would" .....the excuses & lies go on.

Be honest for once and just tell us you don't give a damn! Your actions have already exposed your true self.

For once listen to your own lies and ask yourself "how can we expect anyone to believe this shit when it is evident we don't believe it ourselves?"

Signed,

Homeless, Hungry, Dying

(we are watching)

Yet again..

Well once again I face being homeless.

One of my roommates has to move to Florida to care for a parent that recently had a stroke.

Then Friday we were informed that my other roommate no longer has a job due to the store closing its doors. There is not enough time for her to find new employment & get her first check before our rent will be due.

Seeing I only make $700 a month, me paying our $650 rent is impossible.

As much as I would like to relocate, I still have to pay to get my van fixed which will be close to $400.

Without the van working I would be left to make it on foot.

I asked a few people to help by making a phone call or two in order to help us find a cheap place to stay until roommate could find a new job. Apparently that was too much to ask.

As of May 31, 2012 I will be homeless along with my roommate. From the looks of things we will be stuck living in my van.

So if you don't hear from me for awhile that is why.

I am really tired of trying. Have spent years helping others only to get shit on in the process.

"What about your vision?"

Glad you asked. My vision died within your lies.

Thanks for nothing.