When I forgive, I forgive completely.
But I let go of a lesson I learned years ago, and it has cost me dearly.
Always keep a small portion of anger close to your heart lest you become blind to what caused your pain to begin with.
Once I choose to forgive another person, I forgive them completely.
What protected my heart was holding on to a small portion of anger toward myself for allowing myself to be put in a situation to begin with.
In holding the anger deep within, hidden behind my heart, I always was reminded of the pain just enough to not let the same mistake happen again.
I can only be hurt if I allow it to happen. My happiness is a choice & not situational. Once I allowed myself to be talked into forgiving myself completly, at that moment my heart became exposed, unguarded.
It will never be visible the pain I allowed you to cause. When I forgave you, knowing you are merely human such as I, it was complete.
Today I re-bottled a small portion of my anger and loathing of myself for putting my heart in a place you could reach. That way I carry a hidden, constant reminder of where it leads.
You will perhaps see me on the street, or in a store.....and appearances will say all is forgiven. For toward you they are.
When at the end of the day, it is myself I must answer to, must repent for allowing that small portion of my heart to be exposed, bruised & destroyed.
But today, even now, I hold that small bottle of rage, hatred of myself close to me. Protect is at all costs. It will be the only way to keep my weary heart beating.
Today I place the rage on the shelf by my heart. An area no one will ever penetrate again.
Today I let you go and move on with my life.
Once I choose to forgive another person, I forgive them completely.
What protected my heart was holding on to a small portion of anger toward myself for allowing myself to be put in a situation to begin with.
In holding the anger deep within, hidden behind my heart, I always was reminded of the pain just enough to not let the same mistake happen again.
I can only be hurt if I allow it to happen. My happiness is a choice & not situational. Once I allowed myself to be talked into forgiving myself completly, at that moment my heart became exposed, unguarded.
It will never be visible the pain I allowed you to cause. When I forgave you, knowing you are merely human such as I, it was complete.
Today I re-bottled a small portion of my anger and loathing of myself for putting my heart in a place you could reach. That way I carry a hidden, constant reminder of where it leads.
You will perhaps see me on the street, or in a store.....and appearances will say all is forgiven. For toward you they are.
When at the end of the day, it is myself I must answer to, must repent for allowing that small portion of my heart to be exposed, bruised & destroyed.
But today, even now, I hold that small bottle of rage, hatred of myself close to me. Protect is at all costs. It will be the only way to keep my weary heart beating.
Today I place the rage on the shelf by my heart. An area no one will ever penetrate again.
Today I let you go and move on with my life.
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